There is a phrase that has become a sort of mantra for me. It goes like this: “God writes straight with crooked lines.” I do not recall where I first heard it, or who might have shared it with me, or where I might have read it. None the less, the phrase has stuck in my head as though it has been there forever. And when I look back on my over 70 years, I can easily identify God writing straight with crooked lines numerous times in my lifetime.
One of the most vivid instances was having been laid off from a job I loved. I traveled with my job and my prized possession was my frequent flier card that gave me benefits such as free flights! Then, about a month after 9/11 it all ended. I was a training and certification manager for a small association that depended upon donations. Donations dried up because, rightfully, money was going to agencies like Red Cross or United Way. So, in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon, I found myself, along with all but one member of my department, packing my desk and saying goodbye. To say I was devastated was an understatement! There was the emotional loss, the financial loss, and a great deal of fear. Soon the God’s straight with crooked lines began to appear. The next morning, to get myself out of bed and start to organize a job search, I attended 9am Mass in the Day Chapel where I cried through most of Mass. Fr. Bill and others whom I had never met, including Marie, comforted me. Marie became a dear friend. I met another friend, Peggy, who was also unemployed. We journeyed together, and when a friend of mine told me about an opening at a parish in Lake County, I shared it with Peggy, and told her the job sounded like a perfect fit for her. She said “no, it sounds like a perfect fit for you!” Parish work could not have been further from my mind! Along the crooked lines over the next several months, there were many “messages” from our God who loves us unconditionally. For the most part, I did not recognize them, or flat out said “NO WAY!” I pursued leads, scheduled networking meetings, attended a job workshop offered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, revised my resume and cover letter multiple times….and kept going to daily Mass. The interviews that I was lucky enough to land did not pan out, and frankly did not feel like a good fit despite each job being in the field from which I had come. Finally, as I was preparing my resume for the opening at the parish in Lake County, the head of the interview committee suddenly died! Which was just more proof to me that I was not called to pastoral ministry work. Besides, churches do not pay what the private sector pays! I mailed the application anyway, and much to my surprise, I was invited to interview. Talk about an intense interview! I saw one of my “competitors” for the position dressed for the part with a fairly prominent cross on a chain across her chest. Another was a chaplain. And me. Not me Lord! Following the interview, I called my husband from the parking lot to tell him how poorly the interview went. A block later, I pulled to the side of the street and called him back, trembling, to say that honestly, the interview had gone so well that I was overwhelmed and frightened. I could potentially be called for another interview, which is exactly what happened hours later, along with it being revealed that a job offer was probably coming as well. When the second interview went exceedingly well and the offer came, my fear intensified….and the tears flowed, and flowed and flowed. How could I, an ordinary practicing Catholic with no background in parish ministry possibly be up to the task? No background in pastoral studies though, yes, active in my parishes over the years. Not to mention the huge pay cut! How could God expect me to take that leap of faith? And what’s more, how great a sin would it be to say “no!” To essentially turn my back on God! Fr. Bill counseled me to “trust the Holy Spirit.” My heart and soul were not ready to hear that message yet. I retorted “easy for you to say. You are a priest!” Perhaps he still laughs about that conversation. A bolt of lightening while I was driving one day and praying for a sign finally moved me. Yes, literally! A bolt of lightening, and I said yes to the job offer. God’s crooked lines became perfectly straight. For instance, the computer that came to reside in my office had belonged to the head of the interview committee who had died. In it I came across an interview question that would have blown me out of the water. Then, soon I learned that Fr. Bill’s parents were members of the parish and I was blessed to minister to them! A parishioner approached me about starting a ministry for job searchers. Two amazing things unfolded: Latter Day Saints, with no strings attached, gave us all the materials for presenting their job workshop at the parish. Imagine a collaboration between Mormons and Catholics? Is that not God writing straight with crooked lines! What’s more, it turns out that the parishioner who approached me about beginning a job ministry and I have relatives in common in Minnesota! So now we call ourselves “step cousins once or twice removed.” And that pay cut? God provided of course. Why did I ever doubt? I give God praise and thanks for calling me to be a member of a parish staff coordinating pastoral ministries such as Ministry of Care, Bereavement Ministry, Grief Support Groups, Job Ministry and half dozen or more others as well of course! I thank the pastor who took the leap of faith to hire a virtual unknown. May he rest in peace and be rewarded for his goodness! I never looked back once after accepting the position, and assumed it was the role from which I would one day retire, which is how it unfolded. I still miss the people and maintain many wonderful friendships. The blessings along that straight path have been tremendous. Today, as we face tremendous uncertainties and might feel anxious about what the future holds, I find doubts and fears creeping into my thoughts and soul still again. That is human. And my God has my back and all of ours. I rely on friends who encourage me, and through them, I once again see God writing straight with crooked lines. Linda Engle
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A statement from our Food Pantry Director, LaVerne Horgan.
Last week the food pantry was used 199 times serving 897 individuals. So far in April we have assisted 423 families with 1,821 individuals. This is a lot more than we usually do in an entire month. On Wednesday 202 prepacks were made which was great. We plan to do the same amount next Wednesday. I took pictures of the various groups doing the prepacks that were spread around the food pantry with their faces covered with masks. My very favorite line of the day was when I told everyone to smile. Greater Chicago Food Depository - I cannot say enough good things about them. They have been supporting us for many years and we could not do what we do for our neighbors in need without them. Since the start of the pandemic they have really stepped up to the challenge. Yesterday we received a total of 26,441# of food because of them. It did not cost us anything!!! 21,751 in our bi-monthly delivery which includes USDA 881 in CEDA produce 3,480 in our weekly food rescue 330 in our Aldi's pickup Our bi-monthly delivery is usually 10,000-12,000# of free items. However we need to get more due to the current situation and our current increase in numbers. I know this sounds like a lot but it has to cover the next 2 weeks before we get another large delivery. Theo, our food rescue driver, gave me a note yesterday. Due to the increase of delivery amounts (see our example above), until further notice the Food Depository will no longer be picking up bread/bakery items. They don't have the manpower or storage space for them. Last Wednesday, April 8th, people kept dropping off donations of food because they wanted to help. They were our parishioners plus families from St. Hubert's who help us with their own food drives. Each week the Food Depository has been holding a conference call for all the food pantries and soup kitchens that are member agencies. I dialed in on my laptop. They have been asking us to send in pictures of how we are handling the increase in usage. I sent some pictures of us loading up the cars. One of the first items on the agenda was to show some of the pictures. Of course, we were the first one on the list. Most of the other food pantries were in the city where people typically walk or take public transportation. They sent in pictures of tables outside their food pantries lined up with bags and bags of food. It is very humbling but gratifying to see how everyone is stepping up to the increased need. Other items that were discussed or shared: Operations - it has been difficult to get the food that is needed. Things are getting better as far as being able to order items but there are still delays in arriving. Food Safety - Please do not use chemicals to sanitize your food. It is almost equivalent to using poison. If you feel a need, use soap and water but be sure to rinse produce that you will not peel completely. Cooking temperatures of food remains the same. They are trying to procure more masks and gloves for their staff plus trying to make some available to distribute to the food pantries. Many food pantries were barely getting by both financially and with volunteers. About 30% of them have closed because of this. The Food Depository has started a grant program for pantries that are in poverty areas, less than 2 food pantries in a designated area, have a vulnerable population and have the highest rate of food insecurity. We are so blessed that we do not fall into any of those categories. Thank you to all of you who have continued to make the food pantry possible. Also thank you to those of you who have been unable to come to the food pantry physically as we all know you are keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. I wish everyone a blessed and happy Easter. Thank you for all that you do! ❤ We can all agree that, as Shakespeare put it, “the world is too much with us…”. At this time of people having to stay home, many of us seem to be quite weary in body, mind and spirit. I’m sure you’ve seen it and perhaps experienced it yourselves. I know that I have. The weary spirit is suffering from acedia, a Greek word meaning listlessness or soul sickness. Take to heart the following: You are loved unconditionally by the Lord and the Lord wants to be in union with you. You were created by a loving God. You are worthy. You are unique in all of creation. The “you-ness” of you exists nowhere else.
Ask yourself if you believe that. God knows you. Do you know the “you-ness” of you? Have you spent time learning and caring about the spirit, the soul which dwells deep within you? Let’s explore some ways you might encounter the “you-ness” of you. Ways you might get in deeper touch with your soul. Ways you might consider to heal the weariness which can pervade it. What does your soul look like? Ever thought about that? My soul is round and dusky colored, in my mind’s eye. It moves a bit like an amoeba under a microscope. It dwells near my heart, I’ve decided. The first time I learned about my soul was in grammar school. I was told it needed to be kept clean and pure. Okay, so do I bathe it or something? How does it get dirty. Can it break? Is it just mine? These were the questions of a child. Obvious and honest. Today as an adult I could ask myself the same questions about my soul and not be far off. The fact is that our souls need tending as much as our bodies. When I was in graduate school I had a professor who gave assignments for lengthy readings. When she would be giving us instructions, she would say “In your reading, “attend” to the section on thus and such.” “Attend to the manner in which the author makes her point.” “Attend to the tone of this theologian.” It took me a bit to figure out what she was meaning with this “attend to” business. “Attend” means to take heed, listen, observe and take to heart. I offer that we must “attend” to our souls in a special manner. That there is untapped connection with the Lord for us if we take loving care with our souls. I am not just talking about the “things” we do as Catholics, the outward pieties, attendance at Mass and reception of the other sacraments, etc. I am talking about actively cultivating the deep soul-ness of our beings. The soul-ness which emanates from us every day. The soul is a place for profound conversation with the Lord. It is the place for meeting the Lord, one on one, to reflect on life. The soul is the place you evaluate your work as a disciple of the Lord. The soul is where you take the scriptures into your being. If you are not attending to the health of the soul it will not stand you in good stead for any of the things I just mentioned. If all of your life in the Lord takes place on the outside, in the form of a list of things to be accomplished in order to be saved we miss the boat. We miss a most beautiful opportunity to be in union with our God. Please understand I am not asking all of us to take to a life of total contemplation in a monastery. I am asking us to consider a life of balancing the action with interiorization of the “why” and the “how” and ‘aha’ moments we all experience. So that we become more whole with the Lord. We become who the Lord intends us to be. There is an ancient story: “A holy one said to a merchant, “As a fish perishes on dry land, so you perish when you get entangled in the world. The fish must return to the water and you must return to the spiritual.” The merchant was aghast. “Are you saying that I must give up my business and enter a monastery?” And the holy one said, “Oh no, never. I am saying hold on to your business and go into your heart.” Sr. Joan Chittister in her book, Welcome to the World of Wisdom, presents some attributes for a healthy soul. The first is equilibrium. That is, Sr. Joan observes, “the ability to know when to quit”. Because “Something is drying up inside and will surely come back to haunt you.” So as the holy one said in the story of the merchant, “go into your heart”, look to your soul. St. Anselm leaves us this instruction: ‘Escape from your everyday business for a short while…make a little time for God and rest a little while in Him. Enter into your minds inner chamber. Your soul. Shut out everything but God…Speak now to God and say with your whole heart: I seek your face; your face, Lord, I desire.’ Once we can do this…take a break…we can find God in the quiet of our souls. Once we do that… we can integrate that understanding into the rest of our discipleship. And we become renewed in the spirit. Another on Sr. Joan’s list is self-awareness. Self-awareness is the monitor of the heart and soul that tells us when fatigue is setting in. It is vital to be “soul-fully”self aware so that we do not get the idea that we have to be all things to all people all the time. It’s good to remind ourselves that the sun will rise and set without our help. To keep our souls tended we have to remember to invite the Lord in for our rest and respite. The final attribute on Sr. Joan’s list: appreciation of the value of imperfection. This is the gift, she says, that saves us from destroying ourselves in the name of some concept or idea of excellence that exists only in our own minds.” Somehow, somewhere along the spiritual journey we all began in baptism we got the impression that we had to be perfect to be loved by God. And even more than that…we got the impression that we had to be perfect in all things to be worthy of anyone’s love at all. We somehow came to believe that God would accept nothing less. We somehow connected perfection with holiness. Of course we all want to be holy. To be holy is to be on the journey towards…towards wholeness, towards the Lord, towards that which is of God. Holiness is a virtue we take on the journey. Here’s the “breaking news” for today. Holiness is not perfection. Holiness is our best attempt to do the Lord’s work. It’s not perfection. Once you jump the hurdle that those two ideas are connected you can begin to feed and attend to your soul with much less guilt. Your soul will thank you for removing the burden of perfection and you can get on with the business at hand, that is, building a strong, “soul-ful” relationship with the Lord. As my professor used to say: “Attend” to this. Heed this. Pay notice. Observe. Your soul awaits an airing out. A breathing in of the Christ who waits to be invited for a chat. Psalm 62 tells us: In God alone there is rest for my soul, from God alone comes my safety; with God alone for my rock, my safety, my fortress, I can never fail. Make sure you are, as best you can, “attending” to the matters of the soul. Make sure you are where God is. You got this and God has you. In the name of the Father and of the Son…. Be safe. Be Well Kathy Drennan |
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January 2023
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